I really do apologise now for this blog post but if I don't type then I feel I may explode.
Feeling very hurt and confused today. Mum's in a bad place at the moment mentally and physically and it's really really affecting me now too, which in turn is affecting me and Mr B. I'm a natural worrier which doesn't help matters, plus I do suffer from bouts of depression every so often. Well this time its hit big style.
I can't function properly or do anything properly. I feel worthless and stupid. Every time I ring mum up I don't get chance to talk about anything nice or other subjects apart from how she is feeling and how rubbish her day was/is and how tired and crap she feels. I feel very guilty for saying that and it hurts me. I'm not a selfish person by any stretch of the imagination but sometimes I feel like saying "what about me?". My mood instantly changes as soon as I hear her voice and pick up on how she is. I feel bad for moving out last year, but I love Mr B too much and I want us to be living together and I don't want to push him away.
I have spent a good while this morning just sat crying for no other reason than feeling sorry for myself and not seeing an end to this.
I keep having very dark and scary thoughts and dreams too which aren't helping. I'll not go into it on here as I don't think it's fair on my lovely blog friends.
Work isn't helping at all. I am running the building while my boss is out of the office which has been the whole month of May. Normally I can cope with this and everything is OK, but this time because of everything at home I can't cope. I go to bed dreading the next day at work even though in my heart of hearts I know I can do it.
I'm so so sorry for this, I'll be myself again soon I promise