Acceptance

I hope you lovelies are enjoying yet another Bank Holiday! It's glorious up here in South Yorkshire, although I'd much rather be at the seaside eating an ice cream (no doubt with the rest of the country...).

Now those of you who have been reading my ramblings for a while will know I suffer from head mush from time to time. The last couple of months have definately been mushy times, and my head has been all over the place. Over the past few days I've kind of reached a level of acceptance for all the changes my body is going through. It has been harder than I ever thought it would be to accept that my body WILL and IS changing and expanding, and for once I don't have control over it. I've gone from being praised for losing weight and being able to exercise and push myself if I felt like I needed to, to feeling like my body has been taken over and is no longer my own! Please don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change being pregnant for the world. It's been my dream for as long as I can remember to become a Mum, even if it has been a total surprise to us both!

Mr B is workeing like a trojan to get Bean's room ready, well at least empty of non baby related things anyway so I have been incharge of putting everything on ebay as he won't let me lift anything!!! It's so frustrating!!! There's stuff everywhere upstairs in the house as he's been making little piles of things here, there and everywhere! Grrrrrrr!!!! Saying that, as long as it's done before September it'll be fine.

This Thursday see's us going for the next scan appointment! Bean is now 20 weeks cooked, which is just over half way there. This is the scan where they check everything is OK with Bean's spine and check that its growing as it should be. We could also find out if Bean is a boy or girl but we've decided not to find out. I can now feel kicking too which is really surreal!

I suppose I should get on with some more work, I just thought I'd update you all quickly.

Enjoy the sunshine everyone,
Lex xxx

Merry Easter!

Hello boys and girls, merry Easter to all of you too!

I'm here at work as usual, although there's hardly any one in so I have managed to get the very interesting end of month reports sorted. I Hope you all have lovely things planned for the long weekends that we have thrust upon us.

Not too much has changed here in sunny South Yorkshire. Desperately trying to find some non-tarty maternity wear! Seriously, I have seen some denim hot pants for sale in New Look. Not a look I shall be re-creating even if I do start melting in the heat!! So far I've managed to get away with some tops that had been too big for me before I found out I was pregnant, not too bad really to say that I'm now 18 weeks gone which is nearly half way!!!

Preparation for Bean's arrival is not going too well to be honest. As I'm sure you all know by now, I'm a serial flapper. Poor Mr B this week has had to put up with numerous tearful rants about how the baby will arrive and have to sleep in a cardboard box.... My parents have now bought us a moses basket which is beautiful. It's hard to find unisex things like that as most things are either blue or pink, and with us not finding out the sex it has been a bit frustrating.

As I said I'm now 18, nearly 19 weeks gone which is almost half way! I can't believe it! I have felt a few flutterings which is lovely, and bean went a bit mental after I had some ice cream the other day which was very distracting whilst trying to watch Harry Potter hahahaha.

Here is a picture to keep you up to speed with bump watch:

I'll try not to leave it too long next time!

Lex xxxx

Cravings....

Bean has now been cooking for 16 weeks, and according to the fountain of all useless knowledeg that is the internet,is now approximately the size of an avacado... So far my cravings have been pretty mundane. I've "needed" orange juice, melon, grapes, marmite and orange tango over the past 4 months, so nothing exciting at all! The new ones I have developed a need for over the last couple of days are chilli doritos, chocolate in any way shape or form, and now tuna mayo. More specifically jacket potato with tuna mayo, but I'm not fussed how it comes to be honest! I cannot stop thinking about it and its driving me insane! I escaped work earlier on to pick up some veg for in tonights curry, and didn't make it past the sandwich fridge in the entrance in Asda as the tuna was calling me! I really don't think I have EVER eaten fish of any variety before 10 am before today... The healthy eating is going much better so that's one thing off my mind, I have even planned to make a WW red thai curry tonight which I'm really looking forward to making. Healthier options are worming their way back in I'm very pleased to say, yesterday I chose an apple juice instead of a scrummy hot chocolate in M&S Cafe, and then a little pack of carrot sticks and humous instead of a yummy giant bun. Please excuse me whilst polish my halo...... hahahahaha. The one thing I am really struggling with is my ever increasing size. I am wanting to embrace it and be proud, but in actual fact I find myself feeling frumpy and thinking that I look like I've just put weight on rather than having an actual bump. I know that it's due to me getting used to shrinking in size and celebrating that, and now growing in size is going completely against all that thining that I'd conditioned myself into. I just hope that my head catches up soon.... Right I'm off for a cup of tea, as I have also developed a liking for that too! Lex xxx

Bossy Chef Lex Is Back In Town

I am pleased to report a break through boys and girls..... I managed to cook a healthy meal from scratch with chopping vegetables and everything! Hurrah! Now that I'm through (fingers crossed) the yucky stage, I'm hoping to be able to get some healthy cooking done and get Mr B and I back on the straight and narrow. I had to cancel my WW membership after my 12 week scan so I don't have access to any of the meals I had saved apart from the few that are scattered about at home that I didn't donate to my boss' wife when she signed up. So any meal ideas would be greatly received please! I am breaking the habit that I got into when I first found out about bean, which was two slices of toast as soon as I wake up and then something else breakfasty a bit later on. As of today that habit has been binned and it's been replaced by my old friend porridge. I've not gone back to my proper porridge oats yet though, as I have been testing the water with oat so simple due to me hating the texture of the oats a few weeks ago. So far so good with meals so far today, porridge, chicken salad for lunch and then beans on toast for tea as I'm on a 12 hour day today which messes with everything! I made the tough decision the other day to cancel my gym membership. I didn't really want to do it but I have only been going occasionally and not using it how I used to. I did find it a bit upsetting but once bean has arrived I shall re-join. If I could go before work it would have been ideal as that's when I feel at my most energetic, but the gym opens at 6.30 am and I start work at 7 am. Plus I did some research on the classes that I could go to as a preggers person and they are all at dinner time! How very rubbish!!! I haven't written for a while as I'm struggling what to write. I don't want to bore people by turning this into a baby blog, but at the same time I want to scream from the roof tops that I'm cooking a miracle bean!!! What are your thoughts boys and girls??? Lex xxxx

Oh Exercise...

Dare I say it with out being potentially lynched and thrown out of blog land forever.... I'm missing going to the gym.

Just before I'd found out about little bean growing in my tummy I had been really pushing myself in the gym, and on the treadmill especially. My plan for this year was to do my usual race for life with my sister, and also take part in the Leeds 10k on my own. To prove to myself that I can achieve something that I never thought I would be able to do. I have never been a runner, but now love that feeling of pushing yourself to make that last 0.1 of a mile or the sense of achievement when you've gone for longer or faster than you ever have before.

As you can imagine, this has had to go on the back burner until next year, mainly due to bean but also partly due to the enormous boobs that have sprung up on my front! I did not sign up for these bad boys, and apparently they'll grow some more!!!!!! HELP!!!

I am trying to keep active, but I have no energy for anything "proper" at the gym. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it, but after getting into a routine of going it's hard to accept that I have absolutely no energy. Walking and swimming are keeping me going but I keep looking at the treadmill with a sense of longing.... weird I know! Please don't think I'm out to moan, I just want to get back into a sort of exercise routine before I get too big to do anything!

A very kind lady at the gym has pointed out which yoga classes and aqua aerobic classes would be good for me, but they're on at lunch time which doesn't help me at all! I have gt a week off in April though so I'm aiming to try a few classes out then.

I've been yhinking of adding photos of my ahem blossoming tummy as a kind of bump watch. My family have passed comment that I no longer look like I just need a big trump and that I have the beginnings of a bump, I'm not convinced though...

I have pulled my top tight to show you what lies beneath...

I was a bit put out the other day when a random bloke at work came right out and asked if I was pregnant or had just started piling back on the weight that I had lost! It was a good job he caught me in a good mood, that's all I can say.

Love to you all,

Lex xxxx

Spilling The Bean...

Hello my lovely bloggerinos. The time has come for me to be able to share my very very awesome secret with you. I know a few of you have guessed, and guessed correctly too! so without further a do, let me introduce you to little bean...





I am now just over 12 weeks gone and am feeling on top of the world. The yuckyness is now passing and I almost managed to cook a meal on Sunday without gagging too much! Little bean was asleep all through the scan, even with all the prodding and poking that was going on. So the only picture we could get was of bean asleep on its side with back and bum facing towards us!

As you may already know, this is a massive thing for Mr B and I as I was told that I would not be able to get pregnant without any help such as IVF as only one of my ovaries was definitely functioning as it should be.

I had started WW to kind of get a head start if we did eventually need fertility treatment in a few years time. I though I'd lose weight, have a few years of being a skinny minnie and Mr B and I enjoying our selves. But it seems that mother nature had other ideas for us!

This may be too much info for some of you so I do apologise now. I had never ever been regular with my periods at all, until I'd started losing weight. I had hoped that it might help them and it did thank fully! It was Mr B that spotted that we hadn't had a "visitor" for a while at the beginning of January, but we thought nothing of it as I just thought it could be a bit of stress from work etc plus I was on the pill so we'd pretty much ruled out pregnancy all together.

When the "visitor" still hadn't shown up a few weeks later, we decided between us to do a test to rule it out before I went to the doctors to see what was going on. One of the symptoms of the condition I have, is that if you're one of the few girls to have periods, you will have an early menopause. So you can imagine that I was panicking that my baby making days were over before they had even begun!

So I peed on the stick of doom, and I swear the positive line showed up straight away! It was a good job I was still sat down other wise Mr B would have had to bring me round!

Mr B is even more pleased than me bless him, but we are both still stunned and shocked and cannot believe it's real! I had worked my self up into such a state that they weren't going to find any baby let alone a heart beat yesterday that it didn't register with me at all when they span the screen round to show us!

So there you have it my lovelies, the truth in full! That feels great to get off my chest I can tell you!

I don't want this blog to turn into a baby blog by any means, I really don't want to be a baby bore! I am still going to the gym, it is however a lot less frequent at the minute though. Plus I am going to take up some sort of yoga/pilates jobby to make me super supple so I can cough and then the baby will just magically appear all clean and wrapped in a fluffy blanket...

Lex xxx

Spring Has Sprung

I have decided that I have hidden away for far too long, and have given myself a talking to! I am determined to post blogs even if my brain is mushed.

I would like someone to answer me this though..... How did we get from Christmas to March in such a sort space of time???? What on earth has gone on??? I'm sure some one has stolen some weeks away from me!

I'm in a very good mood today, I think it's mainly due to the fact that the sun is shining up here in South Yorkshire and there's a general feeling of everyone being in a good mood in the office for a change! All this makes for a smiley Lex! The fact that my friend is off to the farm shop to bring me a yummy ham salad is also adding to the air of giddyness.

Weight Watchers is lagging I'm afraid, so far so good though as I have been maintaining pretty well even though I haven't really been eating nice healthy home cooked meals! Severe brain mush does not aid reading recipes I can tell you! My severe aversion to certain smells is also not making it easy for me to even enter the fridge.

So, not much has been happening here in sunny Barnsley. We have had a few lovely days out to the coast and to York with some nice long walks here there and every where.

I've so many blogs to catch up on, so if I comment on an older post please don't think I'm going mad! Hope everyone is ok, love to you all.

Lex xxxx